Thursday, 14 May 2015

13 Things To Know Before Marriage

13 Things To Know Before Marriage
13 Things To Know Before Marriage

1. Whether You Want to Marry Your Partner (or Just Have a Wedding)

Go ahead, roll your eyes. But then heed my wisdom. When you’re at that age where one proposal leads to the next and to the next, as your single friends start dropping like dominos, it’s easy to get caught up in the engagement hoopla. But before you get in line, make sure you’re not just reacting to the pressure. Marriage isn’t like moving to Brooklyn. You don’t cross the bridge just because you’re the only ones without a brownstone. Unlike most other
major life milestones you’ve met so far, everybody reaches this one at different times. And hitting the “I’m ready to settle down and get married” stage doesn’t necessarily just happen as soon as you find the “one.” Fact is, being ready for marriage is as much about you as it is about the other person. Just don’t be in a rush to get there -- after marriage, there are fewer and fewer can’t-wait-to-get-there milestones ahead.

2. How to Live Together (Without Killing Each Other)

Here’s the thing: Sharing a space is tough, especially if you’re accustomed to living alone. And sharing a space with someone from the opposite sex? Way different than splitting a converted one-bedroom apartment with a roommate to save on rent. It’s one thing to have a roommate borrow your clothes and return them stained and wrinkled (you can ditch her if you get sick of it) -- but that guy that accidentally always leaves the toilet seat up? He’s not just going to move out because you’re sick of falling into the toilet in the middle of the night. So it’s good to know how to work out these little squabbles before you actually get married (you’ll have much tougher issues down the line, believe us).

3. Each Other’s Financial Status

From divvying up the rent to fighting over the cost of cable, learning how to share expenses early on will make it easier to deal with the bigger ones that come up once you’re married -- mortgages, college tuition, caring for an elderly parent. While you may get a tax break for being an official Mr. and Mrs., you won’t get a break on your student debts. It’s important to know the state of each other’s finances -- the good, the bad and the ugly -- before you marry into a mountain of debt.

4. How to Stand Up to Prying Parents (and Friends)

Getting engaged sets off a tidal wave of annoying/invasive/none-of-my-beeswax-but-I’m-gonna-ask-anyway questions. Questions that getting married barely begins to answer. It goes something like this: “When’s he going to propose?” “Why did he wait so long to propose?” “Can I see the ring?” “When’s the wedding?” “Where’s the honeymoon?” And once the wedding is over, you will hardly be able to sip a Bloody at your goodbye brunch before someone asks when the babies are coming.

5. Where You Both Stand on Kids

I know -- let’s work on the ring before starting on babies, okay? But a big part of marriage is kids -- whether or not you want to have them, how many you want to have, how you want to raise them. You don’t have to agree on the timeline or the number of kiddos you want now, but you do need to be on the same page as to whether or not you want to start a family.

6. Who You Are

Knowing who you are (and what you want out of life) before getting married is how you avoid a midlife crisis that results in affairs, motorcycles and unfortunate piercings.

7. Compromise Sucks

Call me selfish. Call me immature. Call me heartless. But come on -- agreeing to do what someone else wants (and not what you want) at least 50 percent of the time and being legally bound to split the last cookie and share your bed isn’t the part of marriage people look forward to. Compromise is a necessary evil, but embracing it is the key to enjoying the other upsides of marriage, like having someone to cuddle up with every night and knowing there’s someone out there who will love you even though you’re still afraid of the dark and occasionally fart in your sleep.

8. You Can’t Change a Man -- or Woman

Here’s the cold hard truth: What you see is what you get. So don’t marry your partner for the person you’re hoping he or she becomes; do it because of who your partner is right now. Sure, people change, but only when they want to, and even then, it takes considerable time and effort. Think of it this way: If you accept your partner for his flaws (like leaving his dirty socks on the floor), you’ll be pleasantly surprised when he finally gets the message and starts tossing them in the laundry basket.

9. How to Tolerate Your In-Laws

Listen folks: Mother-in-laws get a bad rap for a reason. That’s why we said tolerate, not become besties. You’re going to have to get through wedding planning together and spending holidays, birthdays and christenings together for the foreseeable future, so being able to sit at the same table without killing each other is kind of important. (It’s even better if you can actually enjoy yourself.) His family, love them or loathe them, are part of the package. So do yourself a favor and figure out how to suck up to them (or at least coexist peacefully).

10. Your Decor Style

You’re going to be registering for a lot of crap for your home. Take advantage of this opportunity to get stuff you can live with for years to come, because this is the last time people will be lining up to get you whatever you want. Figuring out how to blend your styles now will ensure you don’t waste your registry on a bunch of random junk that gathers dust in your parents’ basement later.

11. How to Make a Homemade Meal

Everyone is happier and more agreeable to things like changing lightbulbs or Real Housewives marathons when they’re enjoying a home-cooked meal. Beyond its powers of persuasion, cooking is a chance for you to connect as a couple and later as a family and to put away the iPads, shelve the work and turn off the TV to stop and share a meal together.

12. The Value of White Lies
Sometimes it’s better to say you like his haircut or she doesn’t look fat in those jeans. Yes, marriage should be based on honesty, but if your marriage is going to survive (with both of you still intact), it should also include the kindness of white lies.

13. Comparison Kills

Just like spending time on Facebook can make you feel like a total loser (they went to Bali last week!), spending too much time buying into what you think other people’s relationships are like will make you think yours is an inadequate failure. You know that trip to Bali that you’re so jealous of? What you don’t see is that the other 300 days of the year when he’s on the road for work, she would do anything for a husband who never misses Tuesday takeout and Walking Dead marathons.


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